Stella pictured on the landing
I do not recall when Stella changed her expectation but not only did she alter it, she mandated me to follow suit. She always gets a bedtime treat. For years, whoever puts her to bed in her kennel, breaks the treat into pieces (if it is a bit larger), tosses it into the kennel and she enters obediently, enjoys it and goes to sleep or least rests until she slumbers. Her bedtime hygiene now includes stopping on the landing with an expectation of getting even the smallest of her treat before assuming the remaining stairs to which her kennel is located. It really tickles me; perhaps even more because of the fact that I easily comply. It got me to wondering and reconnect to a prayer that I expressed just last week. Our daughter had an interview last Monday. The job would allow her to return to her discipline. She was told to expect to hear something Friday or next week. And although the idea of an offer would be much more welcomed and appreciated, I asked God to just allow this immediate step to come forth; to hear by Friday that she was moving to the second round. In other words, grant us half the treat on the way to employee orientation. Unlike me, God did not comply. We are in fact, still waiting on the landing, halfway to our anticipated blessing…and it’s alright y’all.
What I didn’t share and what I must admit, is that the week prior, I clamored to God “asking for a little treat,” a little anything that would give us some hope. After all, she’s applied for so many jobs that she maintains a spreadsheet, detailing more no’s than my mother when I was growing up. As a mother, I knew he faith was yet again wavering. I prayed (as we do for our children, no matter the age or circumstance) and asked God to grant favor and give her a “yes” to something. Seemingly out of nowhere, she said by Friday, a couple days after my best Keith Sweat beg to Jesus, “Mom, I have an interview Monday.” She didn’t know how that blessed my faith. In that moment, I thanked God in her presence and a deeper and more engaged appreciation in my 1:1 time with the Master. So here I was less than a week later, trying to move God like bread crumbs to the place I desired - for what I desired. The Holy Spirit reminded that I can’t put God in a kennel; I can’t lead God to what I want like I do with Stella. Certainly I can ask - that is my inheritance, but in my asking, I must recall that God is sovereign and at times I am a benefactor and at other times, it may feel like I am holding my breath to see if my “name is called” and associated with any good thing.
Proverbs 16:9 affirms, “We should make plans—counting on God to direct us.” And also, Proverbs 21:1 presents, “The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: He turneth it whithersoever He will.” Our role is to simply remain in great expectation, to present ourselves on the “landing of God’s heart” for what we stand in need of and even that which isn’t needed but instead desired. I have to admit that whether “this job” turns out to be the one that we’ve prayed for (or not), God has not been slack in supplying every one of our needs. Until we’ve witnessed God answer the “big prayers” at the top of the stairs, He’s granted intimate, smaller yet curated answers and responses that have served as balm to what ailed us. And those bite-sized blessings give us hope and fuel our belief in beautiful ways, stretching our hope in the possibilities of God.
When Stella stands on the landing and I fail to give her a tiny morsel of her treat, she moves to the top of the stairs and waits; and when I don’t share it there, she goes inside her kennel. She never “not” expects that she will get what she desires. I wonder how we might engage the confidence that Stella has….in our God.